Speaking the Truth in Love
When our family lived in Vietnam, we discovered a form of termite in our house during our first year. These little guys make a scratching sound in the woodwork that we could hear as we fell asleep at night. Our landlady was obviously concerned and called an exterminator. As often happens in these situations, the landlady kept up a running commentary with the exterminator as he installed box-traps for the termites. At the same time, she was communicating in English with us. She looked at me and said, “Where else should we put the boxes? I know, in the chicken. We need to have one in the chicken.”
That wasn’t what I expected, but I realized that “chicken” and “kitchen” sound remarkably similar to non-native English speakers. Andrea and I thought of how many times we must have made similar language mix-ups in our second language.
But, as anyone will tell you, the only way to learn a language is to make mistakes just like that. That’s because we learn by speaking. And so I believe Paul would remind us today not to be hesitant about speaking the truth to ourselves and to our neighbor—because this is exactly how God means to grow us in spiritual maturity.
Ephesians 4:15,
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.”
Sometimes we think of ourselves as primarily spiritual receivers. The pastor speaks to us; the Bible speaks to me; I listen to a podcast; I read someone’s blog; I watch their videos.
That is all well and good. “Bible intake” is the first step of spiritual life—like refueling your car or eating breakfast. But Paul directs our attention to a further step in this verse.
In context, he is worried about believers being “tossed to and fro” by the waves and carried about by “every wind of doctrine.” Do you want to avoid being tossed about? Then “speak the truth in love.” Bring the truth of God’s word to bear on struggle in your own life, and in the lives of those near you.
The temptation for us is to settle for shallow answers, to rely on the opinions of famous people, to accept the default answers of our culture, or to jump on the most popular recent attempts to counteract that culture.
But Paul calls us to a lifelong practice of bringing the truth to clear speech. This is not bite-sized truth—but thick, saturating, cheesecake-like truth that requires practice and even faltering, immature attempts at expressing it.
How are you doing at speaking the truth in love today? Have you asked yourself this week—how does my life in Christ affect my response to this challenge? This can happen in a life group meeting. Your attempt to say out loud how God’s word could shape your response to a difficulty is the means by which God will help you grow.
On the other hand, what area of your life are you keeping closed from the truth? Where are you leaving things unsaid, ambiguous, or undefined because you fear that if you once let God speak into it, you’ll have to change?
Take the risk of speaking the truth in love—and see if God answers by growing you toward Christ.
Such a call to speak the truth, to know the truth, and to do so in love, reminds us of our need to confess our sins…