A Beautiful Heart - Women's Gathering 2/3/24
This is an audio recording from our Women’s Gathering on February 3, 2024 of a teaching by Andrea Hoglund.
*Note: The audio recording begins about halfway through the teaching. The full manuscript of the full teaching is included below the recording.
“Jesus in your heart’s face.” Does anyone remember that phrase from pastor Jonathan? Just over a year ago, in our first sermon on the book of Hebrews, he said, “imagine that Jesus is standing right there [in your heart’s face]. Jesus is right in front of the deepest part of you. And what are you gonna do? You gonna try to go somewhere else? Why would you go somewhere else?”
This year in our four Women’s Gatherings, we’re bringing our hearts to Jesus. We don’t want to go anywhere else, except deeper and deeper into the gospel. We want God’s mercy to us in Christ to increasingly shape every aspect of our life. We want a gospel heart.
Our main text for the whole year is 1 Peter 3:1-6. In these verses, Peter is talking directly to women (so we should pay attention), he speaks directly about our hearts (so we should pay attention even more), and he connects the heart directly to how we live our daily lives (so we should connect the dots, too). Today we’re going to focus on a beautiful heart. In May, Abi Kozak will be teaching us about a hopeful heart. In August, Joanna Polley will teach about a submissive heart. And in November, Linda Linder is teaching on a courageous heart - one that is not dominated by anxiety or fear. All of these characteristics of the Gospel heart are from 1 Peter 3:1-6. Let’s pray and then read this passage together.
[Prayer]
Lord, let your word be a quick word, passing from the ear, to the depth of our hearts, so that we can see Jesus with gospel eyes and give our hearts more to him. Have mercy on us and give us the desire of our hearts, for your glory and in Jesus name, amen.
1 Peter 3:1-6
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”
If you could change one thing about your outward appearance, what would it be? All of us have probably been asked that question at some point in our lives. All of us have probably thought about it. For many of us, there might be some deep insecurities about ourselves hidden in the answer to that question. All of us probably have an answer ready to go.
We’re all women here, and whether we like it or not, we care about our outward appearances. If we're honest with ourselves, if I’m honest with myself, I would say that much of the time the surrounding culture is shaping my idea of beauty and I am trying to please other people with my appearance – I am thinking about what other people think of how I look.
In our pursuit of beauty, it’s possible for us to start in the wrong place and head in the wrong direction. We tend to start from the outside in, but God changes us from the inside out. We tend to look to the evaluation of others, but God wants us to look to him. In Matthew 13:15, Jesus says that our hearts can be dull, and when they’re dull we don’t see or hear rightly. We don’t perceive reality. We don’t know what is truly valuable. But in the gospel, God opens our eyes and our ears and our hearts to seek things as they truly are (Matt. 13:16). In 1 Peter 3:1-6, he’s helping us to see beauty with gospel eyes.
And what we see is that gospel conduct is beautiful, and beautiful conduct comes from a gospel heart.
Gospel Conduct is Beautiful
1 Peter 3:1-2
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
Peter addresses “wives” and immediately brings up submission. Peter’s discussion of submission goes back to the middle of chapter 2, and he points us to Jesus as our example to follow. Submission isn’t just for wives, it’s for Christians, and it’s important for us to understand it biblically. In August, Joanna is going to lead us deeper into that subject. But today let’s look at what the text says:
Peter tells the wives to “be subject to their own husbands.” And then he says why: so that even if some do not obey the word (they’re unbelievers), they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. So unbelieving husbands will be attracted to Jesus, by their wives, and not by their wives’ words, but by their conduct - their submission, which Peter describes as “respectful and pure conduct” in verse 2. That word “respectful” means “in fear,” and it doesn’t mean these wives fear their husbands, it means they fear God. We could read it “when they see your pure, in-fear-of-God conduct.”
The point is, when these wives submit to their husbands as God-given authorities in their life, they are actually displaying their allegiance to a higher authority. Their faith in God results in obedience to God, including His good design for marriage. Peter is highlighting one of the many good things that come from walking in God’s ways…people see Jesus. Our godly conduct as Christians is like a finger pointing to God. When these husbands see the respectful and pure conduct of their wives, it’s like seeing the gospel. It has the power to attract their husbands to Jesus. It’s beautiful.
Why does Peter specifically mention husbands who “don’t obey the word”? He wants these wives to live as Christians no matter what, even if their husbands aren’t Christians. Peter says, “your behavior matters all the more when your husband isn’t a believer!” Because your conduct will point to your King.
Gospel obedience is a call to follow Jesus “no matter what.” Our circumstances don’t change the call to gospel obedience, our circumstances are the context for our gospel obedience. Think about it…we have the opportunity to live out the gospel – to show with our lives that Jesus is our saving Lord – only in our present circumstances, and that means today, whatever it brings. Where else are we going to obey Jesus? In someone else’s circumstances? In our imagination? Or are we going to wait around for it to be easier? We don’t have any other circumstances than the ones we’ve been given, and they have been given to us, not arbitrarily or by blind chance, but from God! From his wise and fatherly hand. When we do good no matter what, we show how much we know and trust our heavenly Father.
Think about the Hebrew midwives in the book of Exodus. They feared God no matter what Pharaoh said. They didn’t kill the Hebrew babies. Or Jochebed, Moses’ mother, who hid her son no matter what, because she feared God more than Pharaoh’s edict, as Hebrews 11 tells us. Or Abraham, who put Isaac on the altar, obeying God no matter what he asked. Or Mary, who said, “I am the servant of the Lord, let it be to me according to your word, no matter what.”
The opposite of “no matter what “ is “except if…”
I think for us, much of our daily life is a battle between “no matter what” obedience and “except if” obedience, not just in big things, but in small things, in ways that seem mundane, but are full of gospel beauty.
This is what I mean by “except if..” obedience: “I will be patient and kind, except if I was up in the night with sick kids, and woke up late, and then one kid spilled all the orange juice, and one kid couldn’t find any clean pants, and the fire alarm went off because our toaster is broken and just burns things if you’re not watching...dot.dot.dot.” Or, “I will serve my friend in her need, except if she is overreacting about her sick cat again or I’ve had a headache all day or someone rear-ends my car on the way to work, or I can’t find my keys heading out the door.” Or “I’ll steward my time well, except if I’m feeling tired and discouraged.” Or “I’ll be thankful in all circumstances, except if I don’t like my circumstances.” Or “I’ll do all things without grumbling and complaining, except if there is a reason to complain.” Or “I’ll trust you, God, except if I don’t understand what you’re doing.” You know what I’m talking about. We could probably journal an example of this every day from our own lives.
But what if we did God’s will, no matter what? How beautiful would that be? How beautiful would we be? How beautiful would the gospel be to others?
Dallas Willard says, “the circumstances we find ourselves in are relatively unimportant in comparison to the way we respond to them.” Peter says that when we live worthy of Jesus no matter what, we magnify the worth of Jesus. It’s beautiful.
What an encouraging word to these wives whose husbands are not believers. In verses 3-4, Peter explains that this stunning gospel beauty, the attractiveness of these wives that can draw unbelievers to Jesus, doesn’t come from the outside. It’s not about their hair or their jewelry or their clothes. It comes from the inside. Such beautiful conduct can only come from a beautiful heart.
Beautiful Conduct Comes from a Gospel Heart
1 Peter 3:3-4
“Do not let your adorning be external-–the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
It would be hard for Peter to be more clear here. We don’t read this and scratch our heads and think, “Gee, I wonder what he means…does he think beauty comes from the outside, or the inside?”
In God’s sight, the most precious thing about us is our hearts, so our primary focus should be to please God with our holy hearts, not to please others with our appearances. What is most precious to God should be what is most precious to us. Nothing could be more clear. It’s as clear as the waters of Lake Superior.
But our lived experience is more like the muddy Mississippi. There’s a level on which we immediately, whole heartedly agree…like our hearts just shout, “Yes! We’re more than what we appear to be on the outside!” But then there’s another level on which we can continue to evaluate and value ourselves and others purely on the outward level. It’s just so easy to do. We need God’s voice to us to be louder to us than the messages we’re getting from our culture.
Our culture says that our adornment is external, and God says it’s internal. And before you raise your hand and say, “But Andrea, it’s not wrong to care about what we look like,” take a second to ask, where are we most likely to trip up here? Is it our tendency to care so much about adorning our heart that we’re just totally neglecting our outward appearance? I don’t think so. I think we’re more often tempted to care about our outward appearance and to neglect the heart. We need Peter’s words today just as much as women did then.
So let’s turn up the volume on these verses. What is a beautiful heart like?
A beautiful heart is hidden. It’s not something outside of us that we put on, like clothes, or braids, or jewelry. It’s our heart, our character. Heart beauty may not make magazine covers, but it is not invisible. It shines with a beauty that transcends all the current trends. (You know what I mean! Think of someone right now whose beauty comes not primarily from her appearances, but from her heart.) Heart beauty shines in our conduct, our responses, our speech, our attitudes, and our expressions. Because it’s from the inside, not the outside, true beauty is not a quick fix. We can’t put it on in the morning and take it off at night, like jewelry, or clothes, or makeup. It takes cultivation and attention and growth. Are we cultivating it?
A beautiful heart is imperishable. When we adorn our heart, we’re investing in imperishable beauty. Peter is doing cost comparison, and when the numbers come through, things that last forever are more costly, more precious, more valuable than things that perish. So they should matter more to us. In 1 Peter 1, Peter says our faith is more precious than gold because gold perishes. Faith doesn’t. Peter is calling us to something more permanent than fast fashion.
Our inheritance in Christ is imperishable (1 Peter 1:4) and the word of God is imperishable (1:23), and the hidden beauty of the heart is imperishable.
A beautiful heart is gentle and quiet. Just like Peter gives us examples of outward beauty - clothes, hair, and jewelry, now he gives us examples of imperishable, inner beauty: a gentle and quiet spirit. What comes to your mind when you read “gentle and quiet”? This is counter-cultural for sure. You’re not going to find any celebrity women described as “gentle and quiet.” But Jesus uses the same word for gentle to describe himself in Matt 11:28: “I am gentle and lowly in heart.” It’s a heart quality we learn from Jesus. Dane Ortlund, in his book Gentle and Lowly, describes “gentle” as “meek and humble, not trigger-happy. Not harsh, reactionary, or easily exasperated.”
Gentleness assumes the capacity for strength. We don’t typically ask someone who is weak to be gentle. It’s a virtue for those who are strong. That’s why we tell toddlers to be gentle with infants. A weak woman loudly craves for attention, but a strong woman quietly pays attention to Jesus. And only a woman whose trust in God is strong can submit to his will, praise him in suffering, and wait for his timing. A strong woman gently and quietly submits to her unbelieving husband. A beautiful heart is gentle and quiet, like the heart of Jesus, who saved the entire world.
A beautiful heart is very precious in God’s sight. Peter’s words here, I think, are the most important words for us to hear today.
How many times have we wished God would just tell us something so clearly that we wouldn't miss it? God does that! God is telling us in plain words what is precious to him!
If we sent a text message to God saying, “God, what is most valuable, most precious to you in my life?” He would text back the words “Your Heart.”
And the question for us is, will we take his answer to heart? Will we care more about what God thinks of us than what anyone else thinks of us?
Sisters, God says that the hidden person of our heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is very precious to him. What could possibly be more important to us than that? Peter is telling us that the “magic mirror” on the wall is going to judge the “fairest of them all” based on the heart. Only we don’t stand in front of a mirror – we stand in front of God! Jesus is in our heart’s face and His approval is all that matters.
So, what do we do when Jesus is in our heart’s face?
Jesus wants us to give our heart to him. We give our heart to Jesus in at least two ways. The first thing we give him is our love, affections and values – we treasure him. It is similar to how a wife gives her heart to her husband. We give our heart to Jesus when we love him more than anything else and we care about what he thinks more than anything else.
The second thing we give is our glad surrender. It’s like when Hwin meets Aslan in The Horse and His Boy and says, “‘I’d rather be eaten by you than fed by anyone else.” We give our hearts to Jesus when we surrender to the pain of purification, like gold passing through the refiner’s fire. We trust Jesus’s sanctifying hand, so we give him our heart and say, “Come inside and do whatever needs to be done.”
A woman with a beautiful heart is a woman who belongs to God, not herself. She knows God. She trusts God, obeys God, and hopes in God, no matter what. John Calvin describes this heart beauty as being “consecrated and dedicated to God in order that we may thereafter think, speak, meditate, and do, nothing except to his glory” (John Calvin, Institutes, III.vi.1).
That’s a gospel heart. When we adorn ourselves with that kind of heart, what might we bring into our homes, our workplaces, our neighborhoods, our hardest relationships, and our deepest sufferings? Stunning, godly beauty, that’s what! Pastor Jonathan said it this way: “What kind of beauty do you imagine you bring to the spaces you enter?” That is such an important question.
What kind of beauty do we bring into the spaces we enter? Is it the beauty of our outfit? Or our new shoes or hair cut? Or is it the beauty of our character? The beauty of a heart whose eyes are fixed on Jesus? When we look in the mirror before heading out the door, do we remember to hold a mirror to our heart?
One of the things I want us to grow in this year is growing comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. I want us to welcome the conviction of the Holy Spirit. We don’t naturally “think, speak, meditate, and do, nothing except to God’s glory.” But that should be our dream and our aim. And if that’s our aim, then we need to be okay with God getting inside and doing some heart work. We have a God who is working in us that which is pleasing to Him, by his own indwelling Spirit (Heb. 13:20-21), and sometimes that’s uncomfortable, but we need to get comfortable with that.
When we stand before Jesus on the last day, we are not going to be standing before a jury of our peers who are judging us based on how well we struck the balance between sophisticated and comfortable in our style, or how well we accessorized. We’re going to see Jesus, not just in our heart’s face, but face to face and when he looks at us, he’s going to be looking at our heart, not our makeup. We want to hear him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You kept your heart with all diligence, and your beauty told everyone around you that I am holy and faithful and true. Enter into the joy of your master!”
Sisters, let’s put all of our focus this year into cultivating a beautiful, gospel heart, that is very precious in God’s sight.
Proverbs 31:30:
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Questions:
In what areas are you tempted to “except if” obedience rather than “no matter what” obedience?
How are you learning to look to God and surrender to God in your own life?
Are there any influences in your life that are shaping you to care more about what people think than what God thinks? What are they?