Hospitality - Women's Gathering 11/11/23
These are audio recordings from our Women’s Gathering on November 11, 2023, taught by Megan Mathis & Brook Kleiman, followed by a panel discussion with several Cities Women: Geri Von Grey, Emily Krueger, Abi Kozak, Rachel Sandager, and Sarah Weller.
[Note: This was an interactive teaching session. Some of the discussion questions are included in brackets. Answers were discussed together at the women’s gathering on November 11th, 2023.]
Brook: What Biblical Hospitality Doesn’t Look Like
[Discussion: When we say hospitality, what do you think of?]
When I think about hospitality, my mind often goes practically to previous times that I was hosted. This one time recently Kevin and I were in New York City, and we had decided to try one night to go to this French restaurant we had read about online. It was hard to get into, and we even saw on their website that they asked patrons to “dress your best, but blazer not required.” That made us a little nervous, but we thought it would be an experience.
As we walked in, we were “greeted” by at least 6 employees standing behind a giant host table in full formal wear. We knew right away we were way underdressed. They took us back to our table, which featured an elegant wax candle that was replaced by a single employee as it burned down. That appeared to be most of that person’s entire job. Our waiter showed up, in full suit, and walked us through the menu like everything was incredibly obvious (even though the dish names were in French). After the bread course, a different employee zoomed by with a scraping utensil called a ‘crumber’ to remove any hint of crumbs from the white tablecloth. Apparently we were messy!
While it is a funny experience to look back on, in that moment we definitely did not feel like we belonged. We did not feel welcome. We felt as though if we weren’t bringing the right things to the table in terms of dress, or vocation, or knowledge, then we shouldn’t be there. I felt like I had to be someone else, and that’s not a picture of biblical hospitality. God asks us to come as we are. We are going to turn to God’s Word to try to understand more of what biblical hospitality really looks like.
[Discussion: What do these verses teach us about hospitality?]
Hebrews 13:1-2
John 13: 34-35
1 Peter 4: 8-11
Titus 1:8
Romans 15:7
Matthew 5:47 – 6:1
Acts 16: 33-34
Megan: Barriers to Hospitality
[Discussion: What are the barriers to hospitality?]
From our verses, we hear God’s Word commanding the practice of hospitality and how that is loving and has a lasting impact on those we invite in. Several years ago, I felt as though I was spinning my wheels as a mom with young children. It seemed as though everything I tried to do to have time with God was interrupted or shut down by the needs or presence of my children. I would wake up in the morning, get my coffee and my bible, settle in, pray and ask God to reveal himself to me and then in would walk one of my kids. And I felt like it was over. Before it really had even begun. My heart was growing bitter. And somewhere along the way, I heard somebody talking about hospitality. And instead of thinking about my neighbors or my co-workers, I thought about my own children. I wanted to invite them in, be hospitable to them, have a heart that was eager to share my time with the Lord with them. It meant that I had to perhaps change my planned “menu,” but by having a heart that was inclined to invite them in, I was not only inviting them into my sacred time alone, but also into my time with my Lord and Savior.
Other than kids, we feel we have many barriers to hospitality:
Physical Space - Perhaps your space is small or messy, or you have a gaping hole in your ceiling. If that’s the case, perhaps you can be hospitable in a different space—even in somebody else’s space—or at a coffee shop or park. Because hospitality starts with our hearts, it can happen in the aisles of our church, a hospital room, our backyards, and yes, in our own living rooms (even with toys abounding).
Unrealistic Expectations (Instagram and Comparison) - God has written your story. A unique story of your own pain and struggles, joys and sorrows. And he gave you the tendencies of your family, schedule, budget, and resources. And our hospitality should reflect that. We are not all meant to have Instagram worthy dinner parties and brunches. Different seasons and occasions provide for different preparations and expectations, but God intends the hospitality you do to be uniquely yours.
Consumer Mindset - “I should be the one receiving hospitality.” The bible speaks much more to practicing than receiving hospitality. When I find myself in a season in which I am thinking more about the people that are not having me over or including me than I am considering who I can be hospitable for, I know it is a time that I need to pray about who I can reach out to and invite in.
Time - When time feels like the resource that is hard to find, I would think creatively on how to invite people into what you are already doing. One of the most impactful relationships I had before I became a mom was with a neighbor on my street. She had two young children and she just invited me into their daily life. I would sit on a stool in her kitchen as she made dinner, run errands with her, join into her workout, or just about anything that she already had to be doing. We talked and I observed and I learned so much. Are there things you do that you can invite someone to do with you - a fellow believer or an unbeliever? Maybe it’s a trip to Costco or going to one of your kid’s sporting events.
Money - Hospitality costs money and when we were first married, this was a barrier for me. One year as we set our budget, we made a Hospitality and Mercy fund bucket. With it built into our budget, I didn’t have to worry about going over in groceries if we had our neighbors over for chili night or I wanted to buy coffee for a co-worker that I had the opportunity to take out.
Fear of rejection or other peoples’ difficulty in receiving hospitality - With this barrier, I want to speak to those of us that have a hard time receiving hospitality. When we live under the fear that we are inconveniencing somebody or that they don’t have time for us, even if they have invited us in, we can actually communicate that we don’t want to receive a gift they are giving. And this can make it hard to continue to pursue and ask. But, if we consider our texts from earlier, we know that hospitality is not just for those that are easy to have over or we are comfortable with. So, we can take risks and we can ask and we can invite in. And, if we are rejected, we can do it again. What an amazing display of Christ is even that to an unbeliever!
Brook: Hospitality vs Entertaining
Let’s talk about the difference between entertaining and hospitality. The world would often mix these together, and even in our hearts we can feel this temptation. There is a pull to magnify SELF: our home, our presentation, our planning, versus glorifying God by serving others. Self versus service.
Entertaining is usually a one-off event, like that big Pinterest-inspired baby shower. Entertaining is often about US. We spend most of the time thinking about how to make everything look perfect.
But hospitality is welcoming people into our homes and lives, and this can honestly happen anywhere: at church, at the hospital, at the gym, at work, etc. Hospitality is an act of love, an act of welcoming with an open heart. Hospitality is about THEM.
In hospitality, we seek to become all things to all people so that we may save some (1 Cor 9:22). This plays out in asking about and catering to the needs of your neighbors. You can find out about food preferences & allergies or remember things that interest them and ask about those things. Ultimately, you seek to welcome them as Christ welcomes us for the glory of God (Romans 15:7). Jesus initiates to us, and he greets and welcomes us at our worst, not our best. He knows exactly what we need, and he comes to make that happen without expecting any payment in return. Free grace given, not deserved. Because we’ve been welcomed like that, it changes the way we welcome others.
Brook: Humility & Vulnerability
We read in 1 Peter 4:9-10,
“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”
There are a couple things I wanted to touch on in this passage that stick out to me.
First, Peter is telling the church to show hospitality without grumbling. This is interesting, because clearly grumbling is a common temptation that can sneak into hospitality. If we find ourselves grumbling and complaining, the root can usually be traced back to pride. We are overly focused on ourselves. We are thinking about our time, our efforts, our convenience, and perhaps what we think we deserve.
But Peter also tells us the antidote. Remember that anything you have is a gift of grace from God Himself, not meant to be spent on yourself, but used to serve one another. We don’t compare our gifts and grumble against our gracious Heavenly Father. We just use them to serve one another!
That mindset produces both humility (because what we have is not earned or deserved, but given) and vulnerability (because in this giving posture, we have open hands and open hearts).
In humility, we can do things differently. We can allow our guests to help, because it’s okay to need help! We don’t have to give into the temptation to appear like we have it all together, because we don’t!
With vulnerability, we can structure our schedules differently. Instead of filling our schedules to the brim with personal and family activities, we can actually build in some margin to allow us to serve the needs of the moment that arise in the body. We can allow for spur-of-the-moment unplanned hospitality.
[Discussion: What is the gain in Biblical Hospitality? Why do we do it?]
Brook: Hospitality in the Hospital
As we already talked about, hospitality can occur at anytime and anyplace, even in the children’s hospital. One of my closest friends and someone our Cities Church family has been praying for has been a great example of this.
Stacy Brennecke has been in and out of the children’s hospital over the past 2 years with her son Theo who needed a kidney transplant this past March. Being in a hospital for weeks at a time is emotionally and physically exhausting. If you haven’t been in that situation before you can probably imagine how easy it would be to check out and not intentionally care about the various people you come into contact with. But I want to encourage you guys by giving you a little glimpse into some of the things I’ve seen the Lord give Stacy the strength to do in faith.
On the 4th floor of the children’s hospital, the entire nursing staff (and I do mean the entire staff) know Stacy and Theo by name. Whenever they get admitted, as they walk to their room the nurses come out from their desks to greet them and ask what they are there for. One nurse, Peyton, specifically mentioned how she loves taking care of Theo because Stacy is such a joy to be around. She wants to spend time in their room because Stacy makes one of the most uncomfortable places warm and joyful. She is able to do that because the Lord has done a work in her, and she has practiced hospitality in her own home for many years.
Now this doesn’t only extend to the nursing staff but also to Gregory the janitor. Whenever Stacy sees Gregory, she goes out of her way to greet him and ask him questions about himself. She remembers his favorite sports team, where his family lives, and what his son likes to do for fun.
This is what true biblical hospitality looks like. It’s not about waiting until you have a perfect kitchen or a fireplace in your living room. It’s not about crafting the most perfect menu. It’s not about having it all together! If we open our hearts to the work of the Spirit, we can welcome others in Jesus’ name and in his way, even in our lowest places. His grace is sufficient for us, and his power is made perfect in our weakness!
Megan: Hospitable Heart, Not Just Physical Space
Hospitality begins with the heart, not just physical space. It begins with a posture of obedience to say yes to the unexpected, vulnerable, and uncomfortable for the sake of the gospel. It is more than Instagram posts and having our dearest friends over.
Having the stranger, the unexpected, or the uncomfortable enter into your life for the sake of spreading the gospel to others, is true hospitality. God intends to use his unique work in your story to draw others to himself. It is our blessing and joy to partake in this practice.