Husbands, Love Your Wives

Just a month ago, we walked that long, dark, hope-filled road of Holy Week together, from Palm Sunday, through Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, to Easter Sunday. Holy Week’s always a sobering moment in the year — the betrayal, the thorns, the nails, the sword, the tomb, the wrath — all that it cost for us to be saved and made new. It should be especially sobering, though, for husbands. 

Why? Because the apostle Paul looked at those thorns, those nails, that wrath, and then he said,

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Your love for her should look like that — so, brothers, does it? When you look back on the last week in your marriage, does it look like Holy Week? Do you see any of the strength, courage, resilience, and sacrifice that Jesus showed for his bride? 

Notice, Paul doesn’t say the same thing to wives. Wives, of course, are also called to love like Christ loves, to pick up their cross — to be kind, humble, and forgiving. Wives and mothers are called to die to themselves every day, and they’re called to submit in everything to their husbands (Ephesians 5:24). But when Paul looked at marriage, he saw the man, not the woman, on the cross. And if you’re like me, you need to be regularly reminded of that. Are you as ready to die for her today as the day you stood at the altar?

You might be saying, Well, maybe, but you don’t know my wife. . . . Maybe I don’t, but this Christ does — and if she believes in him, then he loved her like this, knowing everything you know about her and more. And he loved you like this — the thorns, the nails, the wrath — knowing everything there is to know about you. And he didn’t love you reluctantly, but joyfully. Paul goes on in Ephesians 5,

“Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.” (Ephesians 5:28–29)

Love your wife like Christ loved the church, then, doesn’t only mean to sacrifice yourself for her good. It means to cherish her. This love isn’t just about the nails in his hands and feet, but about the fire in his eyes. He loves this bride. He delights in you, in me, in us.

So, to the single men here, aspire to be an Ephesians 5 man, whether you ever get married or not. And to the single women wanting to marry, don’t settle for less than an Ephesians 5 man. And to our married women, honor and celebrate men who love you like this. Let them lead and sacrifice with joy.

But my exhortation this morning is to our husbands: “Love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Pursue her, lead her, cherish her, die for her.