When War Is the Result

“Don’t believe the lie you’re going to hear.”

This is one piece of advice I repeat in the second session of pre-marital counseling — Session 2 on Conflict. I’ve been thinking about it this week as I’ve been studying Philippians 4:2–3, the peak passage on church unity. 

Believe it or not, the advice goes back to something I picked up in a college U.S. History course on the Civil War. There’s a whole psychology to civil war in general, and it’s fascinating to me. The question is: How can war be sustained between two groups previously united?

It’s a heavy question, but the answer is fairly simple. The only way two groups can be at war with one another is if they each view one another as the enemy. That can happen even between groups who are part of the same nation, the same church, even the same family — you can see how that thinking can be applied to a plethora of different relationships.

When the relational bonds that previously held two groups together get eclipsed by competing interests, and trust for the other has eroded, war is the result. 

And the best way to stop war in its tracks — or think: the best way to stifle a growing conflict — is to reject the lie that the other is “against me.” In relationships, we must stop viewing the other person as one set against my good. We may have disagreements, but my [husband/wife/brother/sister] is not my enemy. 

In the case of the church, which is the focus of our passage tomorrow, our brothers and sisters are those for whom Jesus died. Our names are written in the book of life (see Philippians 4:3)! We have countless reasons, and power, to agree in the Lord.