The Conversion of Paul and the Collision of Stories

One of our goals in reading the Bible is to train our minds to run in biblical ruts. We want to learn to read the story we’re in by immersing ourselves in the stories God likes to tell. All of us do this, whether we’re Christians or not. We have stories and heroes and models that shape the way we respond to circumstances in our own lives. They come from books, they come from movies, they come from cultural expectations and from families. This morning as we talk about Saul of Tarsus, I want us to think about the stories that shaped him as a way of thinking about the stories that shape each of us.

While Israel lived in Shittim, the people began to whore with the daughters of Moab. These invited the people to the sacrifices of their gods, and the people ate and bowed down to their gods. So Israel yoked himself to Baal of Peor. And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel. And the LORD said to Moses, “Take all the chiefs of the people and hang them in the sun before the LORD, that the fierce anger of the LORD may turn away from Israel.” And Moses said to the judges of Israel, “Each of you kill those of his men who have yoked themselves to Baal of Peor.”

And behold, one of the people of Israel came and brought a Midianite woman to his family, in the sight of Moses and in the sight of the whole congregation of the people of Israel, while they were weeping in the entrance of the tent of meeting. When Phinehas the son of Eleazar, son of Aaron the priest, saw it, he rose and left the congregation and took a spear in his hand and went after the man of Israel into the chamber and pierced both of them, the man of Israel and the woman through her belly. Thus the plague on the people of Israel was stopped. Nevertheless, those who died by the plague were twenty-four thousand.

And the LORD said to Moses, “Phinehas the son of Eleazar, son of Aaron the priest, has turned back my wrath from the people of Israel, in that he was jealous with my jealousy among them, so that I did not consume the people of Israel in my jealousy. Therefore say, ‘Behold, I give to him my covenant of peace, and it shall be to him and to his descendants after him the covenant of a perpetual priesthood, because he was jealous for his God and made atonement for the people of Israel.’” (Numbers 25:1-13)

Once there was an old man with five sons. He and his sons had been waging a guerrilla war against the evil king who had corrupted their land and oppressed their people. This foreign ruler had come to power because a few years earlier, some traitors among God’s people had grown weary of following Yahweh and his word. They rejected God’s law, abandoned his covenant, and started living like the nations all around them. Because of this, God was angry with his people and gave them into the hands of their enemies, like he had so many times before. But this time the foreign rulers were so wicked that they forced God’s people to stop worshiping him altogether. Instead, they defiled God’s holy temple and set up pagan altars and offered sacrifices to false gods and demons. Obedience to God’s law was forbidden, and families who sought to keep the law anyway were executed. In fact, if anyone was found with a copy of God’s Word, they were put to death and the book was burnt. The whole point of this persecution was to make God’s people forget him and his law, so that they’d become just like the foreigners. And sadly many of God’s people were more than willing to save their lives by abandoning their faith and breaking covenant with God. They turned away from him and sinned grievously against God. And God’s anger was aroused, and he made his people suffer terribly.

Of course, not everyone turned aside. The old man and his sons remained faithful, and they wept at the desecration of the holy place and the ruin of the great city and the faithlessness of the people to God’s law and the wickedness of the foreign rulers, and they sought ways to resist the occupation. Their public resistance began when a foreign official came to their town to encourage the people to worship the false gods. The old man was a respected leader in their town, so the official appeals to him and his sons to lead by example like the leaders of God’s people in Jerusalem. “Worship at this altar,” he says, “and you’ll receive receive the title ‘Friends of the King’ along with much silver and gold.”

The old man looks back at the foreign official and says, “ I don’t give a fig if every traitor in this empire has obeyed the king and yielded to the command to abandon the religion of his ancestors. My family and I will continue to keep the covenant that God made with our fathers. With God's help we will never abandon his Law or disobey his commands. We will not obey the king's decree, and we will not change our way of worship in the least.”

Now at just that moment, another leader in the town, hearing what the old man had said, decides to obey the king’s decree, so he steps forward to offer the sacrifice to the foreign god. When the old man sees him, he is filled with the anger of the Lord and does what has to be done. Shaking with rage, he runs forward and kills the man right there on the spot. Then he turns and kills the foreign official and tears down the altar. From that day on, the old man and his sons are outlaws, and many of the faithful flock to them and join them in their war of resistance. They are deeply devoted to God and his law, and they show this devotion by attacking the traitors and hunting the foreign officials and tearing down the false altars.

Now the old man grows old and on his deathbed, he calls his sons to his side and says:

These are times of violence and distress. Arrogant men are in control and have made us an object of ridicule. But you, my sons, be devoted to the Law and ready to die to defend God's covenant with our fathers. Remember what our ancestors did and how much they accomplished in their day. Follow their example, and you will be rewarded with great glory and undying fame. Remember how Abraham put his trust in the Lord when he was tested and how the Lord was pleased with him and accepted him. Remember how Joseph, in his time of trouble, obeyed God's commands and became ruler over the land of Egypt. Phinehas, our ancestor, because of his burning devotion to God, was given an everlasting covenant. David was made king and was given the promise that his descendants would always be kings because of his steadfast loyalty to God. Elijah, because of his great devotion to the Law, was taken up into heaven. Hananiah, Azariah, and Mishael were saved from the flames because they had faith. Daniel was a man of integrity, and the Lord rescued him from the mouth of the lions. Take each of these ancestors of ours as an example, and you will realize that no one who puts his trust in the Lord will ever lack strength. Don't be afraid of the threats of a wicked man. Remember that he will die and all his splendor will end. But you, my sons, be strong and courageous in defending the Law, because it is through the Law that you will receive great glory.

Now if you can understand the stories of Phinehas and of Mattathias Maccabee and his sons, then you can understand Saul of Tarsus. Those stories and the other biblical stories that the old man told on his deathbed shaped the way that Saul viewed the world. It’s the story he and those like him would tell themselves about what was wrong with the world. Throughout the history of God’s people, they would abandon the covenant and sin grievously against God, and God would judge them for their sins by allowing foreign enemies to triumph over them. Inevitably, what reversed the judgment was the faithfulness of a remnant, who kept God’s commands and worshiped him rightly. No doubt that, for Saul and his fellows, the primary reason that God hadn’t acted to redeem his people from foreign oppression in their day was the continued unbelief and disobedience of God’s people. As long as blasphemy, idolatry, defilement of the temple, and rejection of Moses were allowed, God would not act.

And this explains Saul’s fury at Stephen and the early Christians. Recall that Stephen was put on trial because of false accusations that he spoke “blasphemous words against Moses and God” (Acts 6:11). He spoke against the temple and the law, saying that Jesus would destroy the temple and change the Mosaic customs. Now, that’s bad enough. But what really set Saul off is the audacity of Stephen and the early Christians to tell another story. Recall that Stephen had retold Israel’s story (much like old man Maccabee), but Stephen had, in Saul’s mind, arrogantly confused the cast of characters. Stephen accused the Jewish leaders of being the villains. You can imagine Saul’s reaction. “We’re stiff-necked?!? We’re the idolaters?!? We’re uncircumcised in heart and ears?!? We’re the ones resisting the Holy Spirit?!? We don’t keep the law?!? How dare you!?!” And like old man Maccabee, Saul was filled with raging fury, zeal for the Lord, and he gladly approved of Stephen’s execution and led the charge against the rest of Stephen’s friends.

So I set up Acts 9 in that way so that you can understand the competing stories that are already confronting Saul the Pharisee. On the one hand, he sees himself in the line of Moses and the Levites, Phinehas the priest, faithful Elijah who stood up to Ahab, and old man Maccabee who did what needed to be done. On the other hand, there’s the story that the Christians are telling, in which the Pharisees and Sadducees are both deeply blind to what God is doing, and that the crucified blasphemer Jesus really was Israel’s Messiah and the Savior of the world. And Saul’s commitment to the first story leads him to breathe threats and murder against those who tell the second story. And on the road to Damascus, those two stories collide.

Saul is on his way to Damascus to bind disciples of Jesus and bring them back for trial. Suddenly a blinding light from heaven flashes, he falls to the ground, and hears a voice saying, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” (9:4). Saul asks, “Who are you, Lord?” “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.” Now in this moment, Saul’s world is turned upside down. Crucified blasphemers don’t speak. They don’t have the ability to blind someone with flashes of light. This revelation is world-shattering, earth-shaking, mind-blowing. Nothing in Paul’s life makes sense. Identity-crisis is too weak of a concept. The blinding light and the voice of Jesus overturn every table in Saul’s temple with seven words: “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.”

For the next three days, the blinded Saul is left alone with his thoughts. Based on 1 Timothy 1, we have a window into what those thoughts might have been.

“I thought I was devoted to God.” “No, you were opposed to God.” “I thought I was putting an end to blasphemy.” “No, you were committing blasphemy.” “I thought I was zealous for the Law.” “No, you missed the whole point of the Law, which was to lead you to Jesus.” “I was trying to be humble.” “No, you were oozing with arrogance.” “I thought I was doing the right thing.” “You were committing great evil against me and my saints.” “I thought I was Phinehas.” “You are the man of Israel with idolatrous bride.” “I thought I was old man Maccabee.” “You are the traitor who is worshiping a false god.” “I thought I was a blameless saint, a Hebrew of Hebrews.” “You, Saul, are the chief of sinners.”

In that cataclysmic encounter with the Risen Lord Jesus, Saul is given a new name. I don’t mean that his name changes from Saul to Paul. Saul is simply the Hebrew version of his name, Paul is the Greek. I mean that God renames him. God shatters Paul’s self-understanding, his identity and his story, and he gives him a new one. Paul thought, “I am defined by my heritage as a Jew (a Hebrew of Hebrews), by my zeal as a Pharisee, by my devotion to the Law of Moses. I am blameless. I am righteous. I am God’s servant and instrument, his tool against his enemies.” And God says, “That’s not your name. That identity is a lie. The story you’re telling yourself is not the story you’re in. Your self-understanding is a craven and selfish fraud. You are a blasphemer, a persecutor, an insolent opponent. Everything that you’ve valued is rubbish. Everything that you’ve treasured is trash.” In that moment, Paul’s soul is stripped naked and he is exposed for what he truly is. And God leaves him there for three days (9:9). He can’t see, he can’t eat, he can’t drink. This cataclysm has sapped his will to live, and he grows weaker and weaker.

Now if that’s where the story ended, it would be awful. True, but awful. But God doesn’t leave him there. He sends Ananias, a faithful disciple, to give gifts to Paul. What does Ananias give?

1. Sight (9:12). God blinded Paul physically in order to show him how blind he’d been spiritually all along.
2. A Name: “Brother Saul” (9:17). Can you imagine? Saul had been sent to arrest Ananias and bind him. And here he comes and lays his hands on his persecutor and says, “Brother.” “Brother. I have good news for you. You’ve been living in the hell of bad news for the last three days, feeling the weight of your sin. I’ve got good news. We’re brothers.”
3. The Holy Spirit (9:17). “God has not abandoned you, O blasphemer. God has not forsaken you, O persecutor. God has been pursuing you, O insolent opponent. He is the hound of heaven, and he’s now caught you. He will now live with you forever. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will be with you to the end.”
4. A new mission (9:15). “Saul, you thought you were my instrument, and in a way, you were. But not in the way you thought. Now, you will be my chosen instrument to carry my name to the Gentiles, those foreigners that you’ve despised your whole life. The ones that you’ve envied for their success and hated for their idolatry. You will be my witness to them. You will tell them what I’ve done for you, what I’ve done for the whole world. I am placing my name upon you. You will carry it wherever you go. And you will suffer for it. You know that better than anyone. You, in this moment, know better than anyone how much those in the darkness hate the Light. You know how great the power of Satan is in the life of sinful man. But now you know, mine is greater.”

From Ananias, Paul discovers that what has just shattered his world is grace. Earth-shattering grace. Unlooked for, undesired, apocalyptic grace. And the scales fall from his eyes, he rises and is baptized, and has something to eat. His strength returns, and he’s a changed man. From church-ravager to church-planter. From breathing threats and murder to preaching gospel and grace. From wreaking havoc to opening blind eyes. From raging fury to sacrificial love.

Application

So what can we take away?

1. Not everyone is saved the same way. It’s no accident that Luke places Paul’s conversion after the Ethiopian eunuch. They couldn’t be more different. The eunuch has already converted to Judaism, he’s traveled to worship the living God in Jerusalem, he’s eagerly reading the Scriptures and asking all the right questions, and then God whispers in Phillip’s ear, sends him to a desert place, and grace shatters the Ethiopian and he goes on his way rejoicing (8:39). It happens that way. God prepares the way and the preaching of Jesus just makes everything come together. Some of you were saved that way. That’s how we hope our children are saved. Some of you are there today. Ask the questions, no matter how big or how small; we’re eager to answer. Paul, on the other hand, is dead-set against Jesus. He knows the Law, but his own heart is darkened. For him to come to Jesus, it’s going to take a collision. But he was a chosen instrument. God set his eye on Paul. Everyone else may have written him off, but God was preparing the way nonetheless. The lesson is: Don’t write anyone off. From the most strident atheist to the most sexually debauched rebel to the most radical Muslim: grace can always break in. God can always knock them off their horse. For us, there are two questions, whether we’re talking about Ethiopian eunuchs or violent Pharisees: 1) Are we praying for cataclysmic grace to fall, and 2) are we ready to be Phillip and Ananias? So God saves in all kinds of ways, and God saves all kinds of people. No one is beyond forgiveness.

2. Examine the stories we tell ourselves. Saul knew who he was and what life was about. Or at least, he thought he did. And then God up-ended him. He laid him bare. And here’s the thing: that will happen to all of us. Just like God stripped away all of Saul’s pretenses and self-deception and pride, one day he will strip away yours and mine. In fact, according to Hebrews 4:12, all of us are naked and exposed before him, right now. We just think our little fig leaves will cover it up. But someday, God will show us who we are. So I just want to ask: what story are you telling yourself? What story do you think you’re a part of? What kind of character are you? Think of it this way: it’s like there’s a word at the core of who we are. Down deep in our soul, there is some word that we are saying over and over and over, even if we don’t know what it is or what it means. Someday, that word will be dug out of us and we will speak it clearly and understand what it is that we’ve meant all along. We’ll discover that what we called love was actually selfishness, that when we did nice things for others, we were really doing it for ourselves. We’ll discover that what we called justice was really just envy, that every time we said, “That’s not fair,” what we really meant was “Why not me?” We’ll discover that what we called good was really evil, that what we called success was really the greatest loss, that what we thought was beautiful was a horror beyond imagining. In that moment, when we encounter Jesus, we’ll discover that what we called righteousness was really just filthy rags, and that even our virtues need to get burned away. That’s what happened to Saul. His soul was stripped naked before the eyes of God. And when it happens to you, the one question will be whether you have something else to put on, some other clothing that will cover your shame. That’s what the gospel of Jesus is all about. The gospel gives you a new beautiful robe to cover your nakedness. And the gospel gives you a new story to be a part of, the story of God’s mission in the world to rescue people from lies and sin and death. And the gospel gives you a new name, a new word at the core of your soul that you’ll spend the rest of your life learning to say, so that when you stand before God, you won’t shrink back in shame. And so today, I’m inviting you to get ready for that day. Put on the Lord Jesus. Clothe yourself with his righteousness. Take his name upon you. Turn from your self-made religion and trust in Christ.

That’s what this table is about. It’s for those who have done that, who have put on the Lord Jesus and are continually clothing themselves with Christ. In our eating and drinking, we proclaim the Lord’s death, and growing strong in faith, we rise to proclaim him boldly with our words and with our lives. This Table is for those who have been caught up in God’s story, who have recognized his story as the true story. This Table is for those who have taken his name, who have been filled with his Spirit, who call each other “Brother,” who have been stripped and re-clothed, torn down and rebuilt, who can say, like Paul could after his collision, “I once was lost, but now I’m found.”