A Submissive Heart - Women's Gathering 8/3/24
This is an audio recording of a teaching from Joanna Polley at our Women’s Gathering on August 3rd, 2024.
I have been asked to talk to you all this morning about having a submissive heart. I think this is rather ironic because I am not good at submitting. I do not like submitting, particularly when I have to submit to someone who is very different from me or when I have to submit to an idea that I do not agree with.
But I take great encouragement in Elisabeth Elliot, wise wise woman that she was, because she also didn’t like it. She said,
“I’m not particularly comfortable with any kind of submission, but since it is God’s idea and not mine, I had better come to terms with what the Bible says about it.”
And my hope is that we might not just ‘come to terms' with submission, but rather see God’s goodness and wisdom in it.
The Bible says a lot about submission. It says we are to submit to God, to authorities, to church leadership, and to masters (or to use more common language, to our employers). We are to submit to one another, wives to husbands, the church is to submit to Christ, and children to their parents. I could pick any one of those and do a whole teaching on it.
But our teachings at women’s events this year have been on 1 Peter 3:1-6. In those verses, Peter is talking about submission of wives to their husbands. I know that many of you in this room are not married, so how does this apply to you? Is there something in these verses for the unmarried? I also know that many of you are married, and for some of you submission to your husband may feel overwhelming, frustrating, or maybe even impossible. How do you apply this to your life and to your circumstances?
I don’t have the answers to every one of your questions, but I hope to hold out to you hope that no matter where you are you have a God who loves you, cherishes you, and wants your good. The commands found in his Word, while not always easy, are for your good and your welfare.
As we tackle this immense topic of submission I am going to answer the following three questions:
Who is the God we submit to?
What does submission look like?
Who on earth do we submit to?
Who is the God We Submit To?
Why am I starting here? Because I need to start here. I need to be reminded daily, and I’m guessing every woman in this room needs to be too, of who God is and why he is worth submitting to.
To remind us of who God is, and to answer our first question, I am going to read Psalm 139:1-18. I love this psalm. It is so good at showing us the sovereignty and infiniteness of God and our own finite and small humanness. So, according to this psalm who is our God?
Our God is omniscient (all knowing):
Verses 1-2: “Oh Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up…”
Verse 4: “Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”
Verse 6: “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.”
Verse 16: “…in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
Verse 17 - “How precious are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”
Our God is omnipresent (everywhere):
Verse 7: “Or where shall I flee from your presence?”
Our God is creator:
Verse 13 - “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.”
Our God is sovereign:
Verse 13 again: God created us; he alone can create life.
Every one of my days and every one of your days was ordained and formed before they even began.
This is our God. He holds you together. He has written your story. Your birthdate was ordained from before time began. He has accounted for every single one of your days in this life. This is our God.
So who are we compared to him? We are grains of sand. Yet he intricately created us and graciously gives us life. We see the infinite love that God has for us in this psalm.
Verse 5 describes it so well:
“You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.”
God goes before us. He hems us in and keeps us safe. He holds us safely in his hand. What love that our God would hold us! That he would reach down and hold our life in his hands. And on top of that, He sent his Son to die for us. And Jesus promises us in John 10 that he and the Father are one, and no one can snatch those who have trusted in him out of his hands.
This is the picture I want us to hold in our minds as we move forward into the following questions I have for us. When I remember that my life is a grain of sand held safely in the hands of THE all knowing, everywhere, creator God, and that God does not hold me and think of me as a burden, but delights in me with love, I can say with the Psalmist in Psalm 113:
“Who is like the Lord our God, who is seated on high, who looks far down on the heavens and the earth? He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes, with the princes of his people.” (Psalm 113:4-8)
This is the God we are called to submit to. I need to be reminded daily of who God is and that he is for me. The only way I can do this is by running to his Word. His words are true and real. God promises that if we read his Word it will give us life, wisdom, understanding, joy and so much more. We need to be reminded daily of who God is because we are fallen creatures. In our natural sinful state we do not see God rightly, therefore we need the constant reminding of his Word that He loves us, is for our good, and wants us to have deep joy in him.
In fact, God warns us that if we do not follow his Word and trust him, our life will be filled with confusion and anxiety. I think the clearest warning of this is from Jesus in Luke 6 when he asks, “How can you call me ‘Lord Lord’ and not do what I tell you?” (Lk 6:46). He warns us that those who build their life on his Word are like a house with a firm foundation that can withstand life’s hardships. But those who don’t are like a house built on sand; they will constantly be blown about by the winds of hardship and sin.
Often I want to build my life on the sand. The winter before last my kids were sick for what felt like forever. And I’m not talking minor colds. I’m talking the flu, croup, pneumonia, hand foot and mouth, pink eye, ear infections. I had many, many moments of anxiety watching my children’s breathing to see if it was labored or if they were belly breathing and wondering if or when we should go to the ER. When I built my life on Google searches of symptoms and the latest naturopathic remedies, I was a house on sinking sand. I would often spiral into anxiety about my children wondering whether they would ever be healthy, if we would ever leave the house again, and if I would ever sleep through the night again. But when I anchored my soul in God’s Word, I knew that he loved my children more than I did and that I could trust him with whatever comes, and eventually they were healthy.
We need God’s Word every day to anchor us in the midst of life’s storms. God’s Word anchors us because it reminds us of who he is and who we are. Every day we are fighting sin. Sin and Satan never take a break. Therefore we must constantly be setting our mind on God through his Word and build our lives on Him.
As you saturate yourself in Scripture and remind yourself of who God is and who you are, I promise God will meet you and you will see that God and his words are worth submitting to because they will fill you with true joy that can’t be found in anyone or anything else in this life.
So who is the God we submit to? He is the all knowing, everywhere, creator and sovereign God who loves you. You can trust him. But what does submission to him look like?
2. What does submission look like?
If you were to Google search the definition of ‘submission’ or ‘submit’ you would find things like:
- a condition of being humble or compliant
- yielding to a governance or authority
- deferring to the consent or opinion of another
Biblical submission is not far off from this and the best example of submission I can think of is Christ. Christ,
“Who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)
Jesus submitted to the Father by laying down his life for us. He did this because He trusted God and the plan the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit had made before the world began, the plan to raise Christ from the dead and make us fully united with Him forever. This doesn’t mean that submission felt good or that he enjoyed it. It says here in Hebrews 2 that he endured the cross.
The cross was hard. In 3 out of the 4 Gospels it’s recorded that Jesus pleaded with the Father to let this cup pass from him, to let the cross pass. But he submitted ultimately to the Father by saying, “Not my will but yours be done.” (Lk 22:42).
Christ knew that the cross would come. It had been the plan, and yet he’s pleading for it to pass because while he was fully God on earth, he was also fully human. He was about to go to the cross and suffer agony. True agony. But more than that, he was about to be separated from his Father whom he had been united to for eternity. He knew what was before him. He knew that pain and shame were coming and yet he asked for the cup to pass. I think he did this for us. He was fully human; he knew the struggle to come under another’s authority and trust it. Jesus identified with our weakness. Submission is often a struggle and that’s normal. It’s hard to trust the Lord sometimes. But we don’t give up. Jesus didn’t. He surrendered to God’s plan because knew there was joy on the other side, so he trusted his Father. Submission is trusting God’s plan and not ours, even when it’s hard and especially when it’s hard.
When we see God rightly, see how much he has done for us, see how he loves us… and when we see just how small and insignificant we are and yet, he bends down and cares for us and orchestrates all the details of our lives for our joy in him because that is the only place true joy is found, how can we not fall on our knees and say, “Your will be done”?How can we not gladly submit to his perfect plan?
We struggle to submit, at least I struggle to submit, because I want to be God. I fight for control because I think I know better than God what my life should be like. Five years ago I experienced a miscarriage and then 3 months later, experienced a second miscarriage. This was not in my plan. With my first born, I was able to conceive quickly and had a beautiful healthy pregnancy. I thought it would always be this way. I had my plan that my kids would be close in age and best friends and I quickly learned that my plan was not God’s plan. My faith barely hung on by a thread. But my mom, who is here today, sent me the lyrics of a Twila Paris song. The lyrics say,
Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
“Do I Trust You Lord” by Twila Paris
That is often how I feel when the Lord is calling me to submit to his plan and not mine. I have to ask myself, “Do I trust him?” I have to remind myself, “Lord, what you do could not be wrong,” therefore it must be right. So I continued to walk in faith, trusting that God had a plan for the future of our family. He did grow our family, and my first and second, although father apart in age than I thought, are sweet friends. A few years ago, I was talking to a friend about her struggles and weeping with her. It hit me that because of my miscarriages I was better able to weep with those who weep, and I praise God that he is in control and not me. God’s plan was for my good, to refine my rough edges, pride, and the belief that I knew best; and to learn to submit to his plan for my life even though it was painful.
Submission is not easy at times but it is for our ultimate joy. Submission is a humble surrendering of our will and plan, and trusting in God and his plan because he is God and we are not. When I hold that in my mind submission to God does not feel so confusing. It may at times still be agony but it makes sense to submit because he is God. We submit to God like Jesus submitted, and we trust God’s plan.
God's word doesn't just talk about submitting to him. It also talks about, like I mentioned earlier, submitting to authorities. He gives us some pretty clear and sometimes frustrating commands. This brings us to our final question.
3. Who on earth do we submit to?
Like I said earlier, I could spend hours talking about this because there’s so much that God has for us. But for these gatherings we’ve been in 1 Peter, and we’ll go back there now to chapter 2. We’ll start in verse 13. Peter says to his readers to be subject to,
“…every human institution whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him…for this is the will of God.”
Let’s just think about this for a minute. The author of this book is Peter and he is writing this most likely during the reign of Nero. Nero was probably one of the greatest persecutors of the early church. He was merciless to Christians, crucifying them, feeding them to lions, and would literally use the bodies of Christians as torches during his parties. That alone is wild that Peter is saying be subject to the emperor. But on top of that, this is Peter saying that!
I love Peter. His life and personality encourage me so much. He is the one who drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest when Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane. This is the man who put his foot in his mouth over and over again and was hoping that Jesus would overthrow Rome. Yet this is also the man that Jesus described as the rock on which he would build his church on. This man is now saying to be subject to authorities because God has placed them in authority.
And Peter is not stopping here; he keeps going. If you jump to verse 18 he goes on to say,
“Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.” (1 Peter 2:18-23)
The word ‘entrusted’ here means to hand over or deliver over. Christ handed over his life to the One who judges justly. We can too. Christ left us an example to follow to trust God in the hardship and with the unjust authorities because we can entrust ourselves to him who judges justly. God will judge justly, but not necessarily here on earth. He may, but he may not. He may wait until Christ’s return.
Proverbs 21:1 says,
“The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.”
God may be writing a beautiful redemption story for a corrupt authority that you’re only seeing the first chapters of, and you don’t see how God can turn this horrible corrupt authority around. We must remember Psalm 139. We are finite God is infinite. God is the one who changes hearts. We cannot see the big picture. I like to think of our lives as a beautiful tapestry. On the front it looks beautiful, but on the back the colors are off and the sewing is untidy and doesn’t make sense. Here on earth we only see the back. God sees the front. In glory, when Christ returns we will see the front and all the things we went through, the things we saw others go through, the suffering and hardship, and it will all make sense because what he does cannot be wrong and we must trust him.
So, we submit to authorities. What that doesn’t mean is when God calls us to submit earthly authorities, we do it at the expense of his Word. No, we submit to God first and foremost and to his Word. I think one of the clearest examples of this is way back in Exodus 1. The nation of Israel was in slavery in Egypt and they were growing. Pharaoh commanded the Hebrew midwives to kill all the baby boys that were born but to let the girls live. But Exodus 1:17 says,
“The midwives feared God and did not do as the King of Egypt commanded them but let the male children live.”
A few verses later it says,
“So God dealt well with the midwives. And the people multiplied and grew very strong.” (Exodus 1:20)
We follow God above all else. And we trust that God directs king’s heart, he directs an emperors heart, a presidents heart, a governors heart, your pastor’s heart, and your husbands heart. We can trust him.
We can trust God, and trust him when Peter says in 1 Peter 3,
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” (1 Peter 3: 1-2)
So what does this mean? Well, I like to break up verses because it helps me understand them. I believe there are some keywords that can help us understand this verse, and they are the following: ‘likewise,’ ‘be subject,’ and ‘so that.’
‘Likewise’
This first word is ‘likewise’ which means ‘in the same way.’ Right before this, Peter is talking about how Jesus suffered and trusted the Lord in chapter 2. I think the ‘likewise’ is pointing to chapter 2 verse 23 when Peter says Jesus “entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”
So in the same way that Jesus trusted God with the plan for the cross, we trust God and his plan for marriage. We are to trust God and entrust ourselves to him who judges justly when he calls us to be subject to our own husbands. Not every husband or every man, but to our own husbands. To all the married women here, whoever it is you are married to, that’s it. That’s the plan. If your marriage is hard,(which believe me, I can understand that; my husband and I have had long seasons of hardship and conflict) there is no option B. You don’t get to back out. You entrust yourself to him who judges justly and gave you the husband that you have.
‘Be Subject’
This brings us to our second key words: ‘be subject.’ Be subject to your own husbands. In Ephesians 5:22, Paul says pretty much the same thing and gives us a little more of a picture of what it looks like:
“Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
Submit to your own husband in the same way you submit to the Lord with the same heart posture. If we go back to our definition of submission when we looked at Jesus’ example of submission, He submitted to the Lord by dying on the cross for our sins but mostly he came under the authority of God the Father and entrusted himself to the Father. So, if we are to submit to our own husbands as to the Lord, there is trust in the Father’s good plan in putting husbands as the head of the family.
In my marriage, this does not mean I acquiesce, and just roll over and do whatever my husband says. We talk through decisions together and I trust my husband to make the final say in both my best interests and in the best interest of our family. Sometimes submission to my husband is really easy; sometimes it takes pressure off of me. You guys, it’s really hard to be the leader and to make the final say. That’s a lot of pressure! Sometimes it’s hard to submit because I think he’s wrong or we don’t agree, but it does mean that my default posture is to support and submit to my husband’s leadership and guidance of our family, because that is what God calls me to do and I trust his plan.
God’s plan is for your good. He is calling you to submit to your own husband. If you have questions or concerns about what submission looks like in a specific instance in your marriage, seek wise biblical counsel. Living as a faithful Christian means you live in community. Community is a safeguard for you in marriage when headship is misused. But we trust God’s good design in marriage, and that he is working for your joy when he calls you to submit to your own husband as to the Lord. “Be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.” (Eph 5:22)
‘So That’
And now we come to our last key words: ‘so that.’
“…so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Peter 3:1-2).
“…even if some do not obey the word…” That’s pretty challenging. This means that there were likely women that Peter is writing to that were married to unbelievers. Not necessarily because they planned to—the Bible is very clear that we are not to be married to unbelievers—but I’m guessing that some of these women maybe became believers after marriage. In this time period, when you got married you were to adopt your husband’s religion. So, already the fact that God has saved some women out of this and then is calling them to be faithful, that’s amazing! And Peter is calling them to stay true to the Gospel because God is calling them to be a witness to their husbands. God wants to work through Christian wives for their unbelieving husbands.
Many of you who are married have Christian husbands—wonderful Christian husbands—but they’re still sinners. God works through you for the benefit of your husbands. I love that Peter says, “Without a word by the respectful and pure conduct of their wives.” I am really good at talking, I’m really good at nagging, and I’m really good at nitpicking at my husband because I want to get him to change. Sometimes there are much-needed conversations that need to happen, but never in the heat of the moment. That is just fuel to the fire; don’t ever do that. But thoughtful, timely conversations can bring about change. I have seen the most change in my marriage and my husband’s life when I stop talking and start acting, remembering to remove the log out of my eye before I ever start pointing out the speck in someone else’s. My life must be one of confession and repentance if I ever want my husband’s to be like that. More importantly, I see so much fruit in my husband’s life when I pray for him. Dear sisters, pray for your husbands. You can never pray for your husband enough. It’s impossible.
To my dear single sisters, even though you are not married, you are still called to have respectful and pure conduct. Peter didn’t just say, “All you single women over here, just do whatever you want.” No, the whole Bible applies to you. Put habits in place of confession and repentance. Keep short accounts with your friends. Invite your community to exhort you to biblical living. Live in community. Pray for your friends. Pray for your church. Set people before the throne of God. If, at some point, God removes the gift of singleness and gives you the gift of marriage, you will have put in place wonderful habits. Even if God never removes the gift of singleness, what wonderful habits to have of setting people before the throne and living a life of confession and repentance that can be called one of respectful and pure conduct.
“So that if some do not obey the word they may be one over without a word by the respectful and pure conduct of their wives.” Live a life of repentance and prayer for your own good and for the benefit of those around you and for your husband.
Run to Jesus
We submit to the Lord. We submit to his Word. We live like Jesus and submit to the authorities he has placed over us because we entrust ourselves to him who judges justly.
As we conclude our time, I want to remind you that submission can be difficult because we are fallen. God knows your frame. He knows the things you struggle with but his commands are still very real. His commands are for your joy in him. So, my dear sisters, run to Jesus. Run to him. It’s ok if you ask him to remove the cup from you. But ultimately, you submit and say, “Your will be done.” Fill your mind with Scripture that reminds you that He is God and you are not, and that He can see the full picture and you see but a glimpse. When you fill your mind with Scripture it is easier to say, “Your will be done.”
Remember, we submit to the Lord. We submit to his Word. We live like Jesus and submit to the authorities he has placed over us because we entrust ourselves to him who judges justly.
Resources
When I have a hard time submitting to God and his plan and His word feels dry, I add in authors that help remind me that He is God and his Word is a treasure. One of those books is None like Him by Jen Wilkin. In this short read, she talks about 10 attributes of God and how they contrast with our human limitations. When I am reminded of who God is in comparison to me, it helps remind me that submission is for my ultimate joy.
The second one is a fiction trilogy and is one of my absolute favorites. It's called The Hawk and the Dove Trilogy and it’s about benedictine monks in the 1200s. Submission looks very different when you are living a life of self-denial and this one I have gone back to many times to remind me that a life for Christ is worth it.
The last book for those of you who have read it may feel like a strange one to mention. It’s called Walking on Water by Madeleine L’Engle. It’s about Christianity and the arts. What do Christianity and the arts have to do with submission? I love this book because she stretches your mind about who God is, and when you do this, it helps you submit to God.
Discussion Questions:
What aspect of God’s character helps you submit to him?
What aspect of God’s character makes it hard for you to submit to him?
What are the earthly authorities in your life that God is calling you to submit to?
Do you find this submission easy? Why or why not?