Control Freak
I’m a control freak. Okay, that feels kind of extreme. But if I’m honest, the more I think about it (and the more opportunities to relinquish control come up), the more I realize that my overwhelming need to control situations and outcomes runs deep.
I’m sure I’m not the only one, so here are a few scenarios you can test yourself against. Have you ever shared an opinion with someone who disagreed and pushed back, and you found yourself angry with them, desperately wanting to dictate their response to you? Or maybe you’ve found yourself longing for an open concept floor plan so you can hear, see, reach everything. You know, keep an eye out. Perhaps packing for a family vacation quickly becomes an incredibly intense activity because you think you need everything but the kitchen sink, all under the guise of “preparedness.”
You see, control can hide under various names and take deceptive forms. It’s crafty, giving the illusion of being benign yet sucking the life out of intimacy and joy. It doubts motives and good intentions. Control slithers in and questions the way things are designed. Sound familiar?
When Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden, God is in control. He is holding all things together. There’s a perfect marriage, some good gardening work to be done, and lots of fruit to eat, to say the least. Yet the idea that not only was God withholding from Eve, but that she had the power, perhaps even the right, to do something about it crept in. The serpent was cunning. He used bits of truth to aid his devious plot. And Eve foolishly thought that she could grasp the life she desired on her own. (See Genesis 2-3)
Too often, I fall into the same trap. I find myself forgetting God’s promises and instead I try to manufacture the life I think I desire. It’s the familiar refrain that “I know best.” Not my spouse, not my coworker, not my friend, not the doctor. I may not sing the tune aloud, but the “my way or the highway” song frequently plays in my heart. For Eve, the control that came from knowing good and evil was deadly. For us, it’s just as dangerous in that it can put us in the place of judge and jury, of critic and interpreter; simply put, it can put us in the place of God.
Now, it must be said that not all control is bad. Of course there is wisdom in things like holding your tongue (James 3) or being able to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4). We ought to be sober-minded, or clear-headed (1 Peter 5:8). We must take thoughts captive to make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). For those in positions of authority, having a sense of control over the way things are managed or run is necessary. The ability to assess, direct, and make plans is quite useful. God has made our minds with incredible capacities. We must rely on him as we steward the gifts he’s given us.
While we are not in the Garden of Eden, God is still in control. He’s still holding all things together, just as he was then. We are not in control, at least not in the typical sense we think of. And honestly, thank God! That is wonderfully freeing news. So let’s invite others to share their opinions and actually listen to and learn from them. Let us cease freaking out when things do not go our way. Let’s focus on being just as much as we focus on doing. Let’s trust in the Lord and acknowledge him in all of our ways. Let’s grab hold of the One who desires what’s best for us and find much needed rest in him.