I Hope You Know

The weight and longevity of things parents say and don’t say haunt me sometimes. What did I hear as a child that has, in turn, affected me for much longer than anyone would have imagined? What have I said to my children that will be remembered long into the future?

We Don’t Do It Right

I am learning that it is freeing to lay down my guilt, come to God and tell Him, “I don’t do this right.” I spoke in anger, in frustration, in haste. Even when I am not angry or frustrated or frantic, I don’t necessarily hit the mark.

Valentine’s Day in Walgreens

Weirdly, I was inspired by Valentine’s Day, a day that doesn’t get a lot of traction in my family. My husband bought flowers. I bought $1.99 boxes of chocolate from Walgreens because I passed the $1.99 boxes of chocolates after buying nasal spray for my daughter. 

But I saw the cards. And they made me think, “Hmm. What would I want to say to my children about love?” 

Stake in the Ground

As the mix of guilt and love, regret, reflection and reality came together, I decided I would write notes to my kids. The notes couldn’t be cringey though; not the “I’m so sorry, can you ever forgive me, I can’t bear to know I’ve hurt your feelings” sorts of things. So I titled my notes “I Hope You Know.” I want these notes to be a yearly stake in the ground. A non-cringe reminder of things I think that I don’t always say. Here are examples drawn from different letters:

I hope you know that…

1. I think you are courageous and resourceful

2. I love meeting your friends.

3. I love spending time with you

4. My love for you is not fragile. You will never break it.

5. I am on your side. I am for you. I know it doesn’t always feel that way, and I am working to make that better.

I hope you know God makes many ways to bridge the gap between who we worry about being as parents and who we would like to be. Perhaps this is one.