Sourdough and Singleness
The simple joy of biting into a thick slice of sourdough—crusty on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside—makes the tedious process of sourdough bread making worth it. Over the years of making sourdough (which might I add started way before it became a trendy quarantine hobby), it has become clear to me that the environment plays a major role in the process. When it’s -50 degrees and 5% humidity, I know that the bread making process is going to require 12 hours. When it’s 80 degrees and 90% humidity, I know that I will need to generously flour my surfaces to deal with the sticky dough. I could continue to go on about how our bipolar Minnesota weather affects the sourdough baking process, but I’ll stop there. Despite the ever-changing weather and its effects, given the proper time and attention the end product is often a beautiful, golden-crusted loaf of bread. In other words, you don’t need ideal conditions to make a great loaf of bread.
Similarly, your external circumstances may not appear ideal to displaying God’s beautiful design of distinct and complimentary roles for men and women. But given the proper time and attention we can all reflect His glorious design whether we are single, married, married with a houseful of children, or empty nesters—we all have the opportunity to display the glory of God’s design for men and women. Like bread-making, you can adjust to the conditions you are in and still produce something biblical, beautiful, and satisfying.
It is easy to see the direct application of passages like Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5, and 1 Peter 3 to married women, but I think we are missing something big here if we let them slide on by and don’t consider how they might apply to single women. Marriage is really the norm and singleness for life is often the exception. However, this does not mean there is no application for those who are unmarried.
The purpose of a woman does not come from the fact that she can bear children, be a helper, a beautifier, etc. These gifts should not be exalted as the ultimate, but rather the reason God has designed women with these capacities is to image Himself. The value of a woman is in the ways she reflects her Creator. Being a wife and a mother is a wonderful manifestation of this, but it is not ultimate. The foundational truth we must take hold of here is that our status is not in a new last name or how many children we bear, our status and value is in the one who created and redeemed us to reflect him.
This means God has called us to live out his design for us as women no matter what season he has placed us. It means that we are not constrained by our circumstances. It means that God plans to use us for His glory whether we are single, married, married and longing for children, or married with eight children. In all of these circumstances God calls us to live out His good and right design. We are called to form a round crusty loaf of sourdough, despite humidity and temperature constraints.
God values and delights in hearts that long to seek, know, and honor him. Value is often placed on a relationship status, but God delights in “a broken and spirit” and “a contrite heart” ( Psalm 51:17). God is honored by the internal character of the heart. As 1 Peter 3:3-4 says:
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
What God values is the internal character, not the external beauty. We are called to be women that seek to know and conform ourselves to our God. In Pastor Jonathan’s recent sermon he commented on this 1 Peter passage saying:
“Braid your hair, fine; wear a gold necklace, okay; put on clothes, of course — but don’t think these things are the manifestation of your beauty. Don’t think that your outfit is the difference-maker of your presence, but instead, know it’s your character. It’s the hidden person of your heart; it’s the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. It’s your humility and holiness.”
What our internal character needs is a deeper understanding of the “breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ (see Ephesians 3:14-21).” A deeper understanding, a deeper confidence in the character of God will transform our character and personhood to be a pleasing sacrifice to him. Seek your internal adorning with confidence knowing that he “is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think.”
With this foundation there are many ways in which single women can practically embrace their calling as women. It will look different based on your context, but it starts here and God will grow it into something beautiful. I encourage you to seek the character he calls you to, as a woman and from there pray for wisdom on how to live it out.
The following are ideas, by no means necessities, on how this may look practically.
Hospitality. Open up your home, your apartment, your dorm room. This doesn’t need to be an extravagant or Pinterest worthy event. Simply invite others in. Open a bag of chips or bake a pie. Both communicate a desire to welcome others in to wherever you call home. If you don’t have the space or ability to do this, offer to cook a meal for a family in their home.
Care. Look around you and intentionally care for your friends, Community Group, Life Group, co-workers, classmates. Foster a heart that looks around for the needs of others and seeks to meet them.
Learn a new skill. Learn a new hobby that could bless others. This could mean taking up baking (maybe I’ve sold you on the sourdough trend?), cook a good meal, start a garden, draw, paint, or take up card making. Think of a new way you could grow and bless those around you.
Discipleship. Seek to be discipled and learn to disciple. This means asking hard questions, encouraging, speaking scripture, listening, and learning from one another. This means asking your single friends and married friends how they are pursuing God’s call on their lives as women. This means encouraging those around you to cultivate a heart that quietly depends on Jesus as we live faithfully in the season God places us. Additionally, as Hebrews 13:7 says, “Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their ways of life, and imitate their faith.” Bring yourself under the leadership of your pastors. Ask questions, learn from them. God has purposefully placed them to lead you towards Christ.
The next time you see a beautiful loaf of sourdough bread or bite into a delicious slice, remember that it didn’t happen by accident or without effort. And remember that God is able to make your life beautiful and glorifying to Him no matter your external circumstances. Seek to reflect your God in the distinct ways He has designed. There is true, real joy to be had here.