The Blessed Act of a Rebuke
I love being a woman. I love that God has designed me to reflect his mystery. I love that he has made me relational. I love that he has made me emotional. I'm so in awe of the way he designed me to carry life inside me and then, after delivery, to continue to meet that very baby's physical needs with my body. I love that he has given me an innate sense of mothering not only my children but anyone’s children, even the random kid at the playground.
Then there are things that I honestly kind of hate about being a woman. The curse of Eve has made me manipulative and petty. It has made me at times very stubborn and unsubmissive. Looking back on ways I’ve acted toward others, including those close to me, I see myself as this foolish stubborn donkey digging in its heels. I do not want to work at my own sanctification. The thing that I hate the most sometimes is the way I want to hide my own sin from others, and even from myself.
More than anything I hate my pride. The Bible has many warnings against pride, Proverbs 11:2, Proverbs 16:5, and James 4:6 are just a few that really convict me. And the thing about pride is that it’s rather sneaky. It can look like doing a kind deed to others, but inwardly hoping someone will notice. It can look like being a good friend but inwardly seeking the approval of others. Pride is one of Satan’s greatest tools against us. He loves to grow our pride with seeds of doubt about our good and kind heavenly Father. He did it way back in the garden with Adam and Eve and he continues to do it now, because, sadly, it works.
We women are really, really good at being prideful.
One of the greatest ways our pride hinders us is in confrontation – the confrontation of our sin by others and the confrontation of others’ sin. We love to run away and hide from sin. This is not new. Adam and Eve did the very same thing when confronted with their sin – they ran from God and tried to hide their nakedness with leaves. We, too, want to hide our sin from the world because we are afraid of our sin being exposed to the light. We shirk away from confronting sin in others because we don’t want to wrongly point something out. While this is a valid concern, I wonder if we use it as an excuse? If we point something out and we’re wrong, that looks bad on us and once again our pride takes a hit. That ugly, ugly pride.
I hope to assure you, and reassure myself too, that rebuking your sister and being rebuked by a sister is truly a blessed act. When done in love, exposing our sin gives deeper depth and meaning to what Jesus did for us on the cross. We grow in thankfulness, awe, and love for our Savior. We know it is right to bring our sin to light because that’s what Jesus came to do – to expose and redeem. Scripture gives us very specific directions for confronting the sin of others.
It tells us when to confront sin:
when conduct is not in step with the truth of the gospel (Gal 2:14)
when your brother or sister is caught (overtaken) in sin (Gal. 6:1)
when directly sinned against (Matt. 18:15)
And it tells us how to confront sin:
face to face (Gal 2:1)
in private (Matt. 18:15)
with humility (Matt. 7:1-5)
with gentleness (Gal 6:1)
with the goal of restoration (Gal 6:1)
This list is not exhaustive, but it highlights clear biblical instruction that is helpful for us as women who can oftentimes shirk away from bringing sin to light, in ourselves or others.
When our sin is brought to light by the Holy Spirit through the kind rebuke of our spiritual family and we repent of that sin, we are sanctified. We become more like Jesus!! We are able to more speedily put to death our flesh and be renewed. Who wouldn’t want that?! Often we don’t – we are broken, prideful, scared sinners, so easily tempted by Satan to choose the broad and easier way. O sisters!! Do not follow the broad road, it leads only to destruction (Matt. 7:13)! Sin clings so closely to us (Heb. 12:1), so closely that sometimes we don’t see it. We need others to see our blind spots, to help us see our sin, to restore us to right biblical living that honors our savior. Praise God for the body of Christ that helps us when we cannot help ourselves.
As we grow in bringing sin to light in our sisters and ourselves, there are two ditches that we can fall into. The first ditch is sin hunting. Sin hunting eagerly assumes the worst of others, pointing out any and every failure. That is not a gospel rebuke. It is sneaky pride at work once again. Pride makes us quick to see faults in others but slow to see them in ourselves. A gospel rebuke kindly seeks to restore a sister – with humility and gentleness – to joy in the gospel. Jesus warns us to be careful when we make judgments, “for with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you” (Matt. 7:1-2). Examine yourself, take out the log in your own eye before pointing out the speck in your sisters’ (Matt. 7:5). We are to pray earnestly for our sister and ask the Holy Spirit to confirm what we see. We always rebuke in humility knowing that we have been forgiven much, and we want our sister to experience that same forgiveness.
The second ditch that we can fall into is the ditch of hurt feelings, which is twofold. We never rebuke a sister just for hurting our feelings. Neither do we shirk away from rebuking a sister out of fear of hurting her feelings. We rebuke sin, and only sin – sin directly against us or that directly goes against the gospel. Our aim is to restore our sister, to “bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the Law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). When we restore our sister to living in step with the gospel, that is kindness. When someone points out our sin in hopes that we will repent, that is a kindness. Even if it does sting a little at first.
Dear sisters, we want to live like Jesus. We want to live in step with the gospel. It is the best way. In order to do this we need to take off the old self and put on the new (Eph. 4:20-24). Scripture tells us to tear out the things in our lives that are causing us to sin (Mark 9:42-50). Let’s welcome help in this, whether through prayer and the Holy Spirit bringing our sin to light directly, or through the living and breathing word of God convicting us, or yes, dear sister, through a friend bringing our sin to light. Do not shirk away from a kind rebuke – your sister wants to restore you! Do not shirk away from giving a kind rebuke to your sister – you want to restore her!
Being rebuked by a friend and sister is truly a blessed act.
“Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
Proverbs 27:5-6